Thursday, April 11, 2013

I'm glad it's not me!

I currently have many friends (some close and some acquaintances) that are  pregnant - or just had babies. Today I told a co-worker, "I'm glad it's them and not me." After I said that I really pondered that statement. Why am I happy it's not me yet (and not for a little bit longer)?

Here are 5 reasons why:

1) Selfishness for my career. I just took a new job and don't want to be pregnant in my first six months on the job. I want to make sure I prove that I'm reliable and that I'm a hard worker. I want to get to know my job and make sure I time a pregnancy around the busy season at this new job. This is selfish, but I think it's a good selfish. After all, I'm the breadwinner.

2) We want each child we have to have their own time as a baby and toddler with us. We want to be able to enjoy that special time as infants and that transition to toddler-hood without scrambling to watch the other go through the same changes so close together. I don't judge those who have kids close together. But, it's not for us. We want Abigail to feel our focus and love. And when we do have another, we want to be able to remind Abigail that she had this special time and have her enjoy helping us with her sibling.

3) We are still tired. Seriously. I know we'll be tired for at least another 18-23 years. Then we'll be old so we'll still be tired. But we aren't ready for nearly-all-nighters again. We are finally able to sleep for 8 hours without a baby waking us up, without waking up in a cold sweat because we haven't heard out baby make noise in three hours on the monitor, without crawling around the house on our hands and knees looking for the last paci our child hasn't lost but must have to fall asleep. We are enjoying this phase for a little longer.

4) Financial reasons. We are FINALLY in a place where we get by month to month without scrimping so much that by the end of the month (I'm paid once a month at the end of the month and Dan is paid weekly) we are eating pancakes three nights in a row. We are able to buy Abigail new shoes the second she needs them instead of waiting until the end of the month. We are able to do date nights again without feeling guilty. I'm not saying we have gobs of money and are rolling in cash. We are not. But between the two of us, we now have enough. We need to buy a new (used) car before we have our next baby. We need to save for maternity leave before we have our next.

5) We prayed and this is our answer. Above all the reasons listed above, this is one of the few decisions I knew we had to turn over to Heavenly Father for guidance. That's hard for me. I like to be in control of my decisions. But a lot of this decision has to be made with our hearts. We chose a time that we thought was right to start planning for another (NO NOT NOW - you crazy people!!) and we prayed to Heavenly Father about our choice. I think Daniel knew the answer was right before he even said that prayer. But for me...it took a couple weeks to get confirmation (or maybe to recognize the confirmation) that our decision was right for us.

So there you go. In case you were one of those inquiring minds....that's why "I'm glad it's not me!" (for now).

No comments: